Losing You
by Fleur Enfer
Summary: Helena thought that cutting her hair would cut off all of the ties that remained between her and the man she was in love with, but she was wrong.
1. Chapter 1

"He's gone, it's gone…" I murmur to myself as I exit the hair salon and go out into the cold.

I reach up to touch my hair and grasp the short wisps that remain. My reasoning for getting all of my hair cut off was simple and sweet, and, despite what Britain told me, was completely sane. As the hairdresser cut the long soft strands of brown hair, I expected to feel free and happy. All I could feel as my hair drifted towards the floor was a sense of pure dread.

I walk slowly and lifelessly down the street almost as a zombie would walk, and continue to clutch at my stubs of hair. The feeling of numbness throbs in my heart as I cross the street without looking first, staring ahead of myself in a daze. Even the deafening sound of the truck horn honking can't pull me out of it.

"Get out of the way!" I hear a pedestrian yell.

"HELENA", I hear my name screamed in that British accent that I've come to love.

Before I even have the chance to blink I'm pancaked to the sidewalk with Britain on top of me. His eyes stare into mine with worry and fear.

"Helena, what in hells name do you think you were doing? You gave me such a fright I thought I might have a bloody heart attack!"

He blinks down worriedly at my expressionless face, then his eyes glance over my hair.

"What in god's name have you done?"

He reaches down and touches the remains of my beautiful flowing hair and practically cringes.

"I knew you were going to get it cut, but not THIS short. Helena, why did you do it?" He crawls off of me and pulls me into his lap on the side walk. I can hear the footsteps and worried whispers of strangers.

"Is she alright?" One stranger demands.

"Just a little stunned is all." Britain murmurs.

He places a hand to my cheek and shakes his head of blonde hair.

"Why?"

I force my eyes shut and clench my teeth.

"I told you before, it reminded me too much of… of _him_."

"Helena, you're going to have to face the fact that Ludwig isn't-"

"I HAVE FACED IT!" I practically scream in the brit's face.

Tears start to form in my eyes and Britain brushes them away as he tugs me up.

"I'm taking you home." He says hoarsely and picks me up.

When we get back to his place Britain places me into his bed gently and pulls the covers over my shaking body. He climbs into the bed and lies on top of the blankets next to me, trying his best to wrap his arms around my figure. He pets my head soothingly as if I am an ill-tempered cat that he's trying to calm down, and heaves a sigh as he moves his hand away.

"Tell me one more time why your hair made you think of Lu- … him."

I keep my eyes shut and mumble out calmly "Every time that he slept next to me, he would fall asleep with his fingers entwined in my hair. He'd tell me that after a hard day, he wanted nothing more but to run his hands through it. He used to bury his face in it and breathe in its scent until he felt like there was nothing else closer to heaven. I thought that if I cut it off, the invisible feeling of hands playing with my hair while I was sleeping would go away, and the non existent breath on the back of my neck would disappear."

My best friend moves his body close to mine until his chest is pressed against my back. I swivel around to face him and stare at his face softly, taking in every detail. He strokes my cheek slowly and closes his eyes.

"I'm so, so sorry Helena. I should have been there with him, I should have been the one who tried to stop that man and not Germany."

My stomach lurches at the sound of _his_ country name.

"Arthur, please don't-"

He presses an index finger to my quivering lips and chokes back a sob. I didn't even notice that he was crying.

"I had to stand there and watch him _die_, Helena. No way in hell was I going to do the same for you today."

I throw my arms around Britain instantaneously.

"You idiot! I cut my hair to forget all about him, to forget how it felt when he hugged me. To forget the sound of his heart thudding next to mine, forget how unbelievably happy he made me. But ever since I left the salon today I haven't been able to think about anything other than HIM."

Britain's tears drip into my butchered hair as I cry into his warm chest. He doesn't say a word, he just lies here giving me silent comfort. After a few minutes I feel his soft lips press against my cheek.

"The last thing that he said to me as he was being rushed into the ambulance was: 'I could never ask for a better man to look after the most important thing in my world.'"


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry if I confuse you guys with this chapter but the narration is temporarily being switched to Britain to clear up any future confusion you may have~**

I knew the shot was coming, I could hear the mugger's gun click in preparation to shoot Germany. It almost seemed stupid for a man as mighty and tough as Germany to be killed in a mugging; he hadn't had anything to do with it until he caught the mugger grabbing a teenage girl, trying to snatch up her purse. Germany wouldn't have reacted so harshly if the girl hadn't have happened to look exactly like his girlfriend, and the mugger hadn't been aiming a gun straight at her forehead. When he caught sight of the innocent girl with a deadly weapon pointed straight for her brain, he snapped.

As I stood at the end of the street watching, I couldn't tell exactly what was going on, the last thing I saw before the shot went off was the mugger turning his gun on my friend. The second the gun was turned something inside of me urged me to go forward and stop the tragedy in its tracks, but my cowardly body trembled and remained cemented to the ground. After the shot was fired the girl's scream rang through my ears and down the street. As Germany fell to the ground I ran up to the mugger and grabbed him by his shirt collar.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

He stared at me in shock as if he could barely believe that he had just shot somebody. He let the girl squirm free so that she could call an ambulance on the cell phone he was about to steal. Germany's killer ran off, leaving behind a panicking girl and a dying man. I slid to the pavement next to him, grasped his shoulder, and began to observe the damage. The bullet had just missed his heart by an inch.

"Arthur…" He moaned painfully.

"Take good care of Helena, please. That's all I ask…"

I felt the need to scream as the ambulances came to take him away. He was still breathing as they began to load him into the vehicle.

"Arthur…" he choked out once more.

"I could never ask for a better man to look after the most important thing in my world…"

I stared at him and clenched my hands into fists by my side. I knew he'd tell me something like that, because he knew how much I cared for and loved Helena with all of my heart.

Later at the hospital the doctors had to rush Germany into surgery to remove the bullet from his chest and patch him back up. When he left surgery…he didn't wake up. The hospital staff informed me that he was in a coma and had a very VERY small chance of survival. I did the only thing I could do, cry. I cried like a baby. If I were crying over something silly I would have thanked god that the other allies weren't around to tease me, but at that moment I didn't care. Soon after that I realized that I would have to tell Helena that her boyfriend had passed away.

Why not tell her that he still had a chance to live? Because I didn't want to get her hopes up only for them to crash down on her when someone was forced to take him off life support. The allies and the axis knew that he was in a coma, but I made it very clear to America, China, Japan, Russia, and France that she was not to know that he lived.

"What about the funeral?" China asked solemnly. The word funeral burned inside of me.

"We'll keep him on life support for two weeks, then when he doesn't wake up-"

"You mean IF he doesn't wake up…" Japan whispered to me.

"They say coma and not DEAD because there's still a chance that he'll wake up." America barked at me softly.

"A very small chance, Alfred. If by some miracle Ludwig does wake up then we won't have to worry about anything."

"But isn't it cruel to let Helena think that he's dead when he isn't?" France wondered.

I stared down at my feet sadly.

"I don't want her to be stuck waiting… Germany wouldn't have wanted it that way."

The Allies nodded slowly and Japan muttered softly.

"He really roved Herena-chan, didn't he?"

I chuckled sadly and managed a teeny tiny smile.

"Did he ever tell you that he was going to ask her to marry him?"

America's eyes widened.

"NO WAY! They were gonna get hitched?"

"Well assuming that she would have said yes, that's right…"

The room became quiet again.

"You should Carr her now." Japan said to me and I nodded.

You understand why I can't bear to explain what happened next, yes? Those next few moments were the most melancholy of my entire existence, and I do not wish to put myself through that pain again.

So there you have it, that's how my friend was gone, leaving me with his precious girl. As much as it pains me, part of me wishes that Germany's determined heart will suddenly stop beating so that I could rest knowing that there's nothing left to be done. Meanwhile another part of me wishes that he was fine after the surgery and wasn't in a most-likely permanent state of sleep.

As I tell you this, I am walking back to my house where Helena has been staying since the almost accident yesterday. When I get in the door I can hear an irritating Italian accent pouring out from the bedroom.

_SHIT. _

"You didn't know, Miss Helena? "

_I FORGOT TO TELL ITALY…_

"Germany isn't dead, silly! He's only sleeping!"

_NOT TO SAY ANYTHING._


	3. Chapter 3

"Germany isn't dead, silly! He's only sleeping!" The Italian says in a failed attempt to comfort me.

"What?" I spit. I notice Britain walking into the room holding his breath.

"I'm not sure what Britain told you but Germany's still in the hospital, heart's still beating, still breathing. I saw him for myself this morning! The nurse said that he hasn't had any girl visitors so I came over curious why you didn't go…"

I start to tremble and stare at Britain.

"Arthur, is what Italy says true? You lied to me?"

He seems to be a little ill.

"I only kept it from you because I didn't want you to-"

"So you DID lie to me? You told me Germany was dead when you knew he wasn't?" I start filling with anger.

"Helena, I did it to protect you from more hurt."

"By lying to me and hurting me more? I can't believe you would do that Arthur." I say as I brush by him.

"Where are you going?"

"Where do you think I'm going?" I grab my hoodie from the closet and force it onto my arms, then tie up my red converse shoes that America had bought me as a Christmas present.

As I hurry out the door in my clothes from yesterday I can hear Britain yelling my name but I ignore him.

When I get to the hospital I hurry towards the front desk, pushing my black hood off of my hair.

"How can I help you?"

"Uhm, Hi. I'm looking for a patient named Ludwig; he was admitted into the hospital a week ago?"

The woman in scrubs taps a few keys on her computer.

"May I ask your relation to the patient?"

"I was-" I stop my self.

"I _am_ his girlfriend." The thought that Germany could still be alive blows through my mind and causes me to become anxious.

"Go right on ahead into his room, miss. It's the last door on the right."

"Thanks so much." I manage a nervous smile to the nurse and hurry down the hallway. When I get to the last door on the right I breathe a deep sigh before turning the handle and opening it.

"Oh god…" I mutter in shock and walk slowly towards his bed.

The sight of my beautiful Germany with all of the tubes and needles and IVs in his arms suddenly makes me start to cry.

I cautiously slip my hand into his cool pale grip and look at his face. His complexion is its normal ivory color and his hair is its radiant blonde. His eyelids are shut so that his gentle blonde eyelashes caress his cheeks and shelter his brilliant blue eyes from my view. To my relief his chest is rising and falling with every gentle breath, and the machines detect a tiny heartbeat.

"Germany…" I whisper and rest my head on his thigh.

I glance towards the window at the array of get well gifts that have accumulated over the past week, I start to feel frustrated that I couldn't have come in to see him sooner. I let go of him temporarily to grab a chair and place it next to the bed. I slide my hand back into his and begin to talk to him.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't have been here to see you sooner, I would have come every day if I knew you were here. I haven't been able to sleep, I've barely eaten a thing, and all I can think about is you."

A tear slips from my eye and splashes onto my dirty blue jeans.

"Ich liebe dich, Ludwig." I whisper in the best German I can muster.

Behind me I hear footsteps and soon Britain comes into view.

"Es tut mir leid, Ludwig. Verzeih mir…" ("I'm Sorry, Ludwig. Forgive me…")

I let out a soundless laugh at the German language spoken with a British accent.

"What are you apologizing to him for, Arthur?" I ask shallowly.

"For falling for his girlfriend, and for thinking that telling her that he was gone was going to make her come running to me. I should have known better, Ludwig wouldn't be with a woman like that, and I was wrong for not telling you the truth about your own man. Helena, I really wish that you wouldn't be mad at me but I understand if you still are."

I take a deep breath and turn to look at him, his eyes puffy and red from crying.

"Arthur, I see now why you were protecting me from knowing. Now that I know that he's in a coma my mind keeps saying 'He might live!' but continues to over see the large possibility that he will not. At least before, I had no hope. Now I'll be here everyday until eventually, someone stops paying life support and I have to go through his death all over again. Don't apologize for protecting me Arthur. I should be the one apologizing for doubting you…"

Everyday after that for two entire weeks I visited Germany in the hospital alongside Britain or one of the guys, and I was slowly beginning to think that Ludwig's death wouldn't be so bad if I had Arthur, Veneciano, Alfred, and the others to talk to. I was so sure of this until the day actually came when he had been on life support for three whole weeks and still hadn't woken up. This morning when I received a phone call from the hospital I snapped.

"Helena, it's been a week longer than planned, all of us agree that it's time to pull the plu-"

"How could you!" I scream at Britain, tears raining all over the hospital floor.

"It isn't right keeping him like this! We both know that if he were alive he'd hate it."

"He isn't dead! Stop saying that! There's still a chance that he'll-"

"NO, HELENA! LUDWIG IS DEAD. HE'S GONE HE ISN'T COMING BACK. THE PAPERS ARE SIGNED, YOU MIGHT AS WELL CALL HIM DEAD RIGHT NOW."

Our harsh breathing and the beep of machines are the only sounds heard in Germany's room for a second after that.

I cover my mouth with both hands and sob into my palms.

"You bastard, how dare you call yourself his friend and say something like that."

"Look, Helena the doctor will be here in five minutes to stop his heart."

"You mean murder him."

"No, the man who shot him is his murderer not the doctors."

I pull a hand through my scruffy hair then stare at Britain in agony.

"You're going to stand by and watch your friend be killed, AGAIN?"

"Do I really have another choice? Think about it ,Helena! He isn't coming back, there's no way."

"Stop saying that…" I warn in a shaky voice.

"I refuse to stop until you get it through your skull. Ludwig is dead, Helena. It's terrible but we all have to deal with it."

"Stop…"

"Germany is NEVER coming back."

"STOP IT!" I scream and punch Britain with enough force for him to fall to the floor.

I take advantage of Britain's drowsy state to write a note, leave it on Germany's chest, and run out of the hospital. I smack tears from my face as I run towards the bridge nearest to the hospital. My heart pounds relentlessly in my chest as I climb up onto the railing and stare down at the water flowing underneath. Barely two minutes pass before I hear shouting behind me. Surprisingly, the yelling isn't directed towards me, and I squeeze my eyes tight and listen.

"Sir, just because you've made a remarkable recovery doesn't mean you should push it!" The doctor's voice, but to who?

"Don't you see? There's a girl about to plunge into the river!" No…it couldn't be.

I open my eyes in a flash and whip my head around to stare at the love of my life in shock. Germany…alive? No way…maybe I'm already dead…maybe I'm just dreaming…

"Helena! Get down from there!"

I stare at him with tears blurring my vision, maybe that's why I can't see where my feet are going as I lose my balance and fall.

"HELENA!"

As I'm falling I can see Germany making his way towards the edge of the river but the doctors hold him back.

The icy cold water envelopes me as I plunge into the deep oblivion, until a pair of strong hands grabs me and tugs me up for air.

"Helena, I'm so sorry…"

"Arthur?" I ask, my lips quivering from the cold.

Britain, along with a nurse pull me out of the water and I immediately come to when I notice Germany staring at me in shock. I squirm out of the arms holding me and run into Germany's, pressing my cold body to his.

"Helena, my gott you scared me…"

I say nothing and bury my face in his chest, taking in his scent and his warmth ad his _heartbeat._

"I'm so sorry that I ever doubted you…" I whisper into his shirt. His arms secure me as he leans down the kiss my cold fore head.

"Your hair is so short, I love it…"


End file.
